the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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