I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
