I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
