he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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