Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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