I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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