Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
