What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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