Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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