wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I feel great
I just peed on a car
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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