Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
