Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just tell him i said nine months
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
