just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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