I cut my penus on the lid.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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