Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
