Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
