he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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