my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
