Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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