Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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