I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
