Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
