Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
