Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
