I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
