This is not my ceiling
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
