fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
