Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
