i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Holy sore nipples Batman
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
