Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
