so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Randomize
