if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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