I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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