vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
