We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
