After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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