Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
