I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
