i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
