lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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