I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
