I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
