I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
