i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She's just so happy...and so naked.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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