Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
it's like iHOP with fire
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
