she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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