He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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