Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
