i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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