as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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