hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
